Each month has passed by with me meaning to write an update. But you know just as well as I do that I am terrible at being consistent with any type of writing venue such as this. I find it interesting that I believe that both the 23rd days of September and October both passed without any particular notice from me. Even though my 30-day MetroCard expires a day or two before the benchmark, I “touch the screen to start”, dip my debit card and put the new magical unlimited ride guarantee in my wallet without realizing the significance of why I’m buying a new one in the first place. I guess all this really translates to is that… I’m not good at 1) noticing things or 2) making connections.

Last night when I was helping Alex wash dishes and his and Cody’s place after Thanksgiving, he asked me if I liked it here. My answer, essentially, is “yes”. I mean, like I’ve been telling people since August, NYC is a place where it’s really easy to be busy all the time, yet not really accomplish anything. So far I’ve resisted the growing need to get a job that pays… actual money. I just continue to chip away at my savings account, throwing in the few bread crumbs that I am accruing from my various trials and tribulations here in the city.

Everyone has been telling me that I’m really lucky to have gotten work so soon after moving here, period. Usually I take gigs with the following frame of mind: I probably wouldn’t be doing anything else during that time anyway, so I might as well. At some point, this philosophy isn’t going to cut it anymore. But for now…

I think that most of all, making a big move like this had really cemented how much I appreciate friends and family. I have some of the best friends anyone could ask for, and am thrilled to have met fabulous new people in my short time here so far. And on the subject of friendships and relationships, I ask you: What constitutes a friendship? How strong are those fibers and bind us together? (I suppose Dr. Rose would say “bounds us”…) Are some things really worth giving all of that up? Really, are they? No, they’re not. Be good to each other, kiddies. Play nice.

And then my family. I’m terrible at getting back to people. Of this I am quite aware. But they still call, they still write, they still e-mail. When when I do find the impetus to return a missed call, it’s always nice to just… talk to them, whether it’s for 5, 20, 45, or 90 minutes. I hope they know that even though they may not hear from me that often they are always in my thoughts, as I know I am in theirs.

My big news of the day (and the only real thing I accomplished today besides cleaning out some Click-List: Best in Short Film episodes from the DVR) is that I changed my flight home next month. Long story short, I’m now flying back to CA on December 18 instead of the 24th. Better still, I wasn’t charged a fee AND I still get a window seat. Then it’s off to Colorado Springs on the 29th for Rebecca and Eric’s wedding before coming back to NYC on New Year’s Day. Well, “Night”, really. Anyway, I’m excited to have 10 days at home rather than my previously scheduled 5.

I’m not quite sure if there was a point to this post. But here is it. Who knows when the next one will be. Whoever happens to be reading this, I love you. And let’s be honest, even if you’re not, I love you, too. I’m just that kind of guy.

QOTD, because I didn’t get a chance to watch it until tonight:

“I made a spit mark, that’s how I mark it. I want to imbibe it with energy and essence and that’s how I mark it.”
- Elisa Jimenez, Project Runway

“He is obnoxious and bratty but I love it. He’s funny, and I also like the dead animal on his head – He’s good reality TV.”
- Nathan, on Elisa’s fellow PR contestant Christian Siriano

CK-

QOTD, posted by Courtney a few weeks ago:

“I feel like a hippo just jumped off of my chest.” 

CK-

QOTD, by Peter:

“I don’t like the fact that people need to sleep and wake up. We should just be awake the whole time.”

CK-

Hung out in Fremont last night with Brian and the fabulous Aaron Albano. It was nice to actually go to Brian for a change, and be on his turf, instead of him always driving to see us. And by “turf”, I mean free Starbucks from his friend who was working. Sometimes you just go grab coffee with Broadway actors, you know. <3

Jesse’s competition for Oakland East Bay Symphony this morning went well enough. It was overall the best I had ever played the Mozart for him, which is sad because this time it probably the least it mattered or that he cared about. It would have been nice if I didn’t totally eff up my finger last night trying to pry a piece of plastic siding off of Brian’s Sidekick. I played through the blood and swelling just fine, though.

Went to my mom’s concert with the Castro Valley Adult School Orchestra this afternoon. Not too bad at all for a community orchestra. There were some really nice moments in Beethoven 5, and the second half of the program featured the condutor’s brother on violin in a bunch of music he wrote, arranged, and/or orchestrated. Some tango, some Americana, some Ellington. Entertaining stuff. I had forgotten how interesting it is to observe elderly people as they take in a performing arts experience. To sense (and often times hear) their recognition, amusement, and approval when “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” slips into a violin cadenza. To hear a half-drone from random points of nowhere as the next tune in an jazz medley begins and.

I helped my mom make vegetable beef soup tonight.

This is the spider that I happened to look up and see crawling across the bunk bed frame against the wall. It now resides in a vaccuuming device in the hallway.

We are in a constant state of flux. Everything around us changes. As humans, we either adapt to this and reevaluate, reconsider, re-everything, or run the risk of drowning in a pool of stagnancy. Sometimes I feel like I’m so ready for things to change, to be different, to be… something else. But most of the time, I end up being so non-active. I feel safest doing things I know, and don’t like to put myself out of this box. As a consequence, I don’t feel like I’m ever really living to the fullest. Sometimes I am just observing, just being a wallflower. But oftentimes, I just don’t have anything to say. No input whatsoever. I think that’s what scares me the most – that I’ve become so used to being on the sidelines that I no longer know how to be in the game. Did I just come up with a bad sports analogy? I must be tired. Anyway, this has definitely taken a very different direction from where I intended, but I guess some of this stuff has been on my mind recently, in this period of upheaval and transition.

Tomorrow is a new day. Time to welcome it. Goodnight and <3.

QOTD, this time from Steph:

“If someone stole my watermelon, I’d beat them up, too!”

CK-

I’m out done over gone removed finished with from my house in Stockton. It was really weird. That’s not even the right word. After graduating, we just kind of stayed there. I hung out with friends, went to Jersey Boys a couple times, watched TV and movies, and basically sat around and did nothing. It was like I was in some kind of strange purgatory, caught in between finishing school and going home.

Which leads to another thought – at which point does one begin to refer to their place of residence at school as “home”? When did “driving home” or “it’s at home” refer to Stockton instead of Castro Valley? And now, how do I adjust back, when in reality, I’m planning to move to New York in a month and a half?

I successfully avoided REALLY packing for the first week or so. I was just basking in the glow of being finished with school. By the time the weekend came, I started throwing things in boxes, and my parents came to pick up large amounts of crap. Tuesday, Kevin moved out, and I got out of bed and realized I was only one still there. Still living there. I figured it was high time I actually leave. So I spent the better part of the afternoon and evening putting stuff in boxes, and planned to go home that night, and come back the next morning to help clean. But then Jesse called – he and Kevin were going back to Stockton so they’d be there already. When I got to Castro Valley, I unloaded my car into the living room, ate some porkchops, and turned right back around.

It was like I was jumping at the chance to be in Stockton again. I spent all of Wednesday cramming what I thought wouldn’t be too much stuff into my Jetta. By the time I left, I had my laptop case cradled next to my side, a tupperware of mugs in front of my seat, and milk and orange juice between my legs. Needless to say, I tried not to merge. At least I could kind of see out of the back.

And that was that. It’s weird because Sean and Cori will be living there next year – I kind of forcibly gifted a bunch of stuff to them. I figure that it’s of no use for me to take it, and why throw it out? I would have never thought it would be so easy to become connected to a place like Stockton. But living in a house for almost two years, in my own space, with four crazy housemates… Wow.

</Weird Stockton rant>

I went to the CVHS Senior Awards Night earlier. Talk about weird! At first, I barely remembered mine four years ago. And then I started seeing teachers I recognized, most of whom I doubt would remember me. I saw a few alumni scattered throughout the bleachers. As the night wore on, I found myself striving to remember a student’s older siblings’ name. “I think her sister was in my grade. Or was she a year younger…?” I successfully avoided talking to any alumni or teachers on my way out. I wasn’t ready for any kind of experience like that; certainly not on my first day back in Castro Valley.

There were some other things I wanted to write about. But I’m not up to it anymore. Yesterday was a very trying day. But it’s in the past now. Breathe in and move forward.

Some online quotes:

Brian: “You’re gonna end up doing like Cheyenne Jackson, and I will say, ‘Damn Chris Kong! How you fit in them jeans’ or something ghetto trendy.”

Some poster on a Yahoo! group: “I’m also looking for Idina Espinosa’s first performance in Aida on Broadway. I believe the date is 9/13/01.”

CK-

I feel like I’m in “home” purgatory right now. Everyone else in the house is in various states of… gone. When my parents took a whole Durango full of stuff home on Saturday evening, you could barely even tell that anything had been removed from my room. I took a bunch of stuff back yesterday, however, so things are looking a little better. It’s very strange, because I have nothing to do here, nor do I really need to be in Castro Valley. So I’m just kinda chillin’ in Stock-town before I confront making a tornado out of my house and sorting through things in my room and everything that I’ve dumped in the living room from here.

We rented Poster Boy last night. It was definitely not what I expected. I had anticipated mishaps, mayhem, and mistakes, all rolled into one amusing semi-cohesive gay movie. That is definitely not what we got. Once I got used to the film style, I really enjoyed it though. Jack Noseworthy was quite good at playing an adorable, slightly jaded older activist sort. I honestly don’t remember almost anything about his performance in Lestat, but I suppose that’s why he was fired after like…five days. Popcorn, ice cream, blankets, and friends and homosexual films = <3.

Wednesday matinee and Friday evening were Jersey Boys #13 and 14, respectively. For only seeing this new cast 3 times, I’ve seen every cast member expect 2 of the swings. Most of the cast is growing on me, but it’s just not the same.

Kevin and I still haven’t heard back about our AT&T/Cingular interviews last Thursday. For sort of writing it off and not really caring, I thought it went well enough. Especially since I’ve never had a real job, meaning I’ve never had a real job interview. Most of my responses had to be drawn from the context of musical situations – but I answered them as best I could. Oh well. It could have been worse, I suppose.

Some good quotes from Friday:

Silly Asian girl behind us in line: “Jesus Christ Superstar is probably my least favorite opera. I saw a really stupid opera while ago. It was called Masked Ball or something like that. It was in French, which was really weird because it was by Verdi, an Italian composer. It had to do with a king and took place in Boston or something.”

Rachel at dinner in SF: “Do you remember when I was, like, four and I asked you to marry me? My mom had just explained to me the day before that marriage was when two people loved each other, and I knew I loved you, so I asked you to marry me; you said no.”

Luke, who served Kevin and myself at the In ‘n’ Out drive-thru in Livermore: “Yourchangeisfourteendotthreeeight. There’sthedotthreeeighthere’stenandhere’sfour. Wouldyoulikesomeketchupforyourfries?”

“Dot three-eight?” Outloud? Twice? Really?

CK-

Tonight I threw out the 22 empty containers of Airborne that had been accumulating under my bathroom sink since last summer.

QOTD, supplied by Kevin:

“I would pay ungodly amounts of sums to see you, Gina.”

CK-